Those of you who have been following right along for a while now know that every now & again I make a post about myself or something not John Mayer related. I apologize if this bothers anyone, but this is one of those not really anything about John Mayerposts.
As I’ve said before, I’m an RN. I work at a psychiatric hospital on the 11-7 shift which I do find rewarding most of the time. I have an almost 19 year old daughter who is my BFF & is simply an amazing young lady! She makes my life worth living! I adore her more than anything in the world!!! This past summer we decided to forgo our yearly trip to Europe & follow John Mayer around the north east area of the U.S. It was amazing, exhausting, great fun, & somewhat stressful at times, but I wouldn’t change a thing! So that is the idea from which this blog was born. I don’t know much about blogging. I don’t make any money from it. It’s purely for amusement purposes.
Fast forward to right now in time. My family is falling apart. For the past 4 years since my beloved grandfather passed away the family dynamic has been shifting. Then a year & a half ago we lost my grams. Nothing is the same as it was & I realize now as an almost 40 year old that’s how death works. The circle of life, so to speak, changes us all. Our priorities change, our relationships change, we can never get back to who we were when those people were alive nor can we make our family the same without them. Up until recently, I have been moderately content in my “nice” home, with my decent paying job in our quiet little rural area, but I’ve always dreamed of leaving here someday. I’ve had the desire to be in the big city for as long as I can remember. I always said, “I’ll go when I’m older & have more money.” I’m not sure I can wait until I’m much older. So much has change & gone awry here in this little area of Pennsylvania that I can feel it sucking the life from me day by day. My desire to escape has never been greater. On top of all that, Morgan needs to go to school. I do not want her sitting around here waiting because of me & worrying about me.
I’m ready to get the hell out of here! I’m just so scared. My mum says, ” what have you to be frightened of? You’ve traveled the world & have been able to fit in everywhere you went. Some people are so afraid they won’t even go to New Jersey!” And you know, she’s right, but going on a 10 day vacation & picking up & rearranging your entire life are two very different things!
I’ve made my mind up that I want to live in NYC. It’s one of my favorite places on earth & where Morgan wants to go to school. I’m just so damn scared of starting a new job (god part if me doesn’t even want to be a nurse anymore), my health issues need to be considered, & moving to a new place away from everyone is pretty rattling. I don’t know what to do, but I feel like if I don’t get the hell out of here I’m going to self destruct. There are only 2 people that I need to worry about in this life Morgan & myself. No one else worries about me & I shouldn’t worry about them either.
I don’t even know where to start in considering a move like this. When I think about it I’m filled with so many different feelings. I know & love NYC perhaps more than a tourist, but not as someone who lives there. There are so many things I’m sure I have no clue about & yet people learn & adapt. Life is trial & error. We shouldn’t not do something because it’s unfamiliar. If that were the case we’d be stagnate & never evolve to who we are meant to be. Morgan is young & in her eyes we should just leave. There is nothing to question. There is nothing to doubt. Ah, to be able to view life through the rose colored glasses of youth….
Feel free to leave me any ideas or helpful advice. I’m certainly in need if some. Or let me know what you think John Mayer would recommend? That might be interesting. lol